One thing that has become apparent to me over the years is that the way I think, colors my world. In fact I would say that the way we think is our world. To paraphrase Buddhism, “All things are created by mind alone.”

Suppose you are enjoying a day off work and are walking down a path in a park with your dog. The sun has started to set and there’s a nice breeze. Your dog is running all around you exploring all the smells. You look down the path a little way and notice something on the side in the distance that you can’t quite make out in the shadows but it looks like it might be a snake. A little closer . . . yes, that’s it you tell yourself, it’s definitely a snake. It’s a snake and it looks like it’s coiled up ready to strike. It must be a rattlesnake. Immediately your heart beats a little faster and you slow down. You look around and can’t see your dog. Now you’re really panicking.

You call out and whistle only to see your dog pop out on the trail just a few feet away from the snake. What’s worse is your dog is on the far side so that if you continue to call him, he’ll definitely walk right in front of the snake!

Your dog sees you and with tail wagging starts down the path towards you only to stop and sniff the snake. . . but nothing happens. The snake doesn’t move and your dog continues towards you.

As you get closer you realize that the ’snake’ isn’t a snake at all but a piece of old rope that someone dropped on the trail. You’re glad it wasn’t ‘real’ and maybe even feel a bit foolish for getting so upset. You tell yourself that like the monster under your bed or the one in your closet, you gave up believing in, and getting scared by, things that aren’t real.

As far as your body was concerned, it was real. At least for as long as you believed it and that’s really all that matters. Your heart beat was rapid, you sweat more, your anxiety level jumped, your breathing got faster & shallower, and your thinking became chaotic - jumping from one frightening scenario to another.

Depression is a lot like that piece of rope. When you start to ruminate about things in your life that weren’t so nice, your body doesn’t know it’s not happening again. If you keep going over the death of a loved one, your spouse leaving you, or even just the driver who cut you off or the perceived snub of a co-worker; you continue to relive the event. In essence you are inviting more heartache, grief, sadness and anger into your life. Before you know it you’re on your way to staying, or becoming, miserable again.

The sooner you can get a handle on recognizing when you’re doing this, the better. If you find yourself going over and over the negative events in your life, stop yourself. Simply tell yourself, “STOP!” and start thinking about something else. If you go back to these events a thousand times, then tell yourself “STOP” a thousand times. Eventually your thinking will become clearer - just don’t give up. If your progress is slow - remember slow is better than none!

Have a conversation with yourself. Ask why are you continuing to go over the past? “Well, my spouse shouldn’t have left me. It’s awful and I can’t stand it. It’s just not right and it’s not fair!” Realize that the luxury of your negative thinking is to be upset, angry and stuck in the past. Emotional upset - depression, sadness, etc. are the consequences of this line of thinking.

To get unstuck ask “Why is it unfair? Where is it written that your ex can’t be a jerk and treat you badly?” The answer is no where. No matter how much we think there ought to be a law . . . it’s not written anywhere but in our mind. Anyone can be a jerk (or worse) and that day it was just your ex’s turn.

Now you’re in position to start moving forward. You can still be sad at the end of a relationship or whatever the event was, but now the sadness is more manageable and less debilitating. It’s as my mother would say when talking about how she wanted people to be at her funeral, “approriately sad”. That’s okay- it’s doable and allows you to move on.

This entry was posted on Monday, July 23rd, 2007 at 7:26 pm and is filed under Uncategorized.