Charly was a movie based on the book Flowers for Algernon which was about a mentally retarded man who became involved in an experiment to increase his mental ability. The experiment works and Charly finds himself becoming a genius.

Algernon was the name of the rat who the scientist first performed the experiment on. As time goes by it becomes apparent that the results of the experiment are short lived and the rat reverts to its previous state. Charly’s awareness of his decline is very powerful and heart wrenching. I was just a kid when I saw this movie but Cliff Robertson’s portrayal of Charly and the horror of his self-awareness of going back to the way he was before has stayed with me for all these years.

I don’t think I’m any different from anyone else who’s fighting depression and like Charly, few things are more troubling than feeling like you’ve made a lot of progress only to realize one day that the black dog is nudging you with its cold wet nose again. Your dog doesn’t want you to pet it. No, it just wants to crawl up in your lap and press you down with its massive weight. Has someone been feeding this dog from the table?

It seems part of depression are these ‘Charly’ moments when you feel like you’ll never be free of this dog. Instead of a leash, you feel like you’re handcuffed to your dog like a spy to a briefcase full of blues.

For me this seems worse than the original depression which quietly snuck up on me. I was unaware of how far out of ‘normal’ I’d become until I was walking the dog deep into the woods. When you become aware of a relapse it’s as though you’re not just in the woods, now you’re down in the valley in a cold rain. Because I know what ‘normal’ feels like I’m more aware when I start to slide and it can provoke a lot of anxiety.

There is good news though. Unlike Algernon we don’t have to revert to our previous state. We can use it as motivation to redouble our efforts and keep exercising, getting outside in the sunlight, practice our anti-ruminating even more, write out our cognitive therapy arguments, keep taking the fish oil, keep active socially, etc. The important thing is to remember that all of these practices helped us to cope and feel better and they can again. Do not give up!

So here’s some tips for when you feel you’ve just taken two steps back.

1. If your relapse is severe don’t hesitate seeing a doctor and/or counselor.
2. Keep practicing all of the strategies - you may have slacked off on some (or many) because you felt better. Start ‘em up again. Make them like brushing your teeth - you just do them!
3. Exercise. Yes I know it’s part of the strategy but if you’re only doing it minimally (30 mins. 3 x a week ) a relapse is reason enough to ratchet it up and do more. Four times is only 2 hours total. Make the time.
4. Stop listening/watching/reading the news. The world can turn without you becoming more down because of the state of the world.
5. Stop listening to sad music. It doesn’t have to be country & western or the blues. Maybe it’s a love song and it reminds you about a sad relationship. It’s very addicting, alluring, sexy even, to cling to sadness so do everything you can to break that spell because it’s like heroin - it only feels good for a moment and then it’s hell.
6. The same holds true for any t.v. show, movie, or book. The last thing you want to do is watch ‘Sophie’s Choice’ with your black dog.
7. Keep busy. Involve yourself in activities be they work, social, hobbies, whatever it takes to help you keep your mind and body active and distracted. CAUTION: Avoid ruminating activities. These are those things that remind you of a painful event or memory, e.g. riding your bike to get exercise is great but not if you ride to what used to be a favorite spot of you and your ex-fill in the space, etc.
8. Talk to friends & family that you trust. You don’t have to go into deep dark detail but sometimes just a reminder to the people you’re close to that you’re having a little relapse is all that’s needed to get some needed support. People without depression don’t always know when you’re feeling off, so share a little of yourself - you’re worth it!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007 at 8:49 pm and is filed under Uncategorized.