So Soon Old, So Late Smart
April 19th, 2008
For years I had plans to interview my parents. They both had lived through so much. Born before the depression, dustbowl era and wars. They traveled the world together and experienced a very full life. I wanted to get all of their memories down on video. Their experiences, their feelings, what they learned, etc. Mom was the only one who could identify most of the people in many of the old photos I have (no one wrote who it was on the back of them). Alas time has slipped away and mom is gone and dad is slipping away. Fortunately I do have a good memory myself (when I’m not too stressed anyway) and have access to many stories of our extended families.
My advice? Don’t wait until they’re gone to visit with them and learn from them. Too often growing up we think our parents and ‘old’ people are just trying to tell us what to do, so we avoid them or stubbornly refuse to listen. They’re only human and like all of us they’re full of opinions and advice, but a large part of what they’re doing is trying to help us learn from their mistakes.
If we can learn to listen to them and separate the wheat from the chaff we may find they’re no different than us but they have a lot more life skills and knowledge to draw upon, including ways to help us keep the black dog of depression at bay.
Their secrets to happiness?
- Lower your expectations
- Accept yourself
- Accept your achievements or lack thereof
- Stay involved socially
- Stay involved physically
- Accept things the way they are
- Accept that nothing is perfect
Don’t wait until you’re 80 to be happy. Life is not a dress rehearsal, this is it. Start now!
The golden years really are golden.
April 19th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Even when it seems like it’s too late, it might not be. My father died when I was a baby, and I grew up knowing almost nothing about him. When my mother died, I found a few photos, letters, and newspaper clippings that she had hidden away. From these fragments I began to piece together my father’s life. And in many ways, I’m also piecing together an unknown part of my mother’s life as well. It has been hard work, but I’ve managed to locate many of their long-lost friends - their stories have shown me who my parents were and the extraordinary life they led. This, in turn, has filled in missing pieces of my own life and my own self.
April 20th, 2008 at 8:44 am
Faith,
You are so right. At mom’s funeral I talked to several distant family members one of whom had done a lot of family research even traveling to the small town in Germany where our great-grandfather was from. She has since shared many old photos and stories with me.
I think a strong sense of family (& acceptance of them warts and all) helps us have a stronger sense of who we are and where we came.
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:22 pm
A great reminder list! Personally, since I live far away from my family, my friends have become that bond.
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:06 pm
LadyExpat,
Friends can be like your family. A strong bond - that connection with others is what’s important.