Put a hat on it.
May 9th, 2008A motherless son celebrates mother’s day
One of the things about growing older is you start to lose that filter between your brain and your mouth. You no longer put the brakes on your true feelings. When you’re mad everyone is going to hear it. If something off color comes to mind, you’ll hear that too. The last few years of mom’s life were full of conversations that could make you cringe or laugh and sometimes both.
One such moment was at my sister’s house. Our brother and his wife both hated the thought of dealing with the nursing home and our parent’s Alzheimer’s. They didn’t like the constant repetition of questions, felt uncomfortable around mom and dad and just couldn’t get over the hump where they could accept the situation and do the right thing. Consequently they would just shut up and not say a thing during the ride which really irritated mom because she loved to talk.
Since they were the only ones who actually lived in the same town as the nursing home, they were ‘tagged’ as my brother would say, to pick up mom and dad (as though it were a punishment to help take care of their parents). Their attitude was not appreciated by anyone in the family especially mom and dad. Despite their advanced age and Alzheimer’s they were still aware enough to know when they weren’t being treated with love and respect.
At family get to-gethers before dinner everyone would have a drink, eat snacks, talk and just have a good time. Some times my brother would join in but tonight he and his wife stayed by themselves and whispered in the living room. If anyone tried to engage my sister-in-law in conversation they were most often met with a sarcastic response, not unlike a little dog that would snap at you if you tried to pet it. It wasn’t anything new behavior-wise on her part, she’s always been that way. No one really understands it but after so many years it’s been begrudgingly tolerated. She is one of those peculiar personalities you find in families. Usually we just left her alone.
As luck would have it this night mom sat by her, sipped some Asti Spumante (her favorite drink) and tried to talk. It wasn’t long before a smart-ass remark was forth-coming. After decades of putting up with her bad attitude and treating her with nothing but kindness mom finally snapped, all 90 pounds of her.
She stood up, took a few steps and pulled my sister over to talk, “That damn Les!” she said out loud.
My shocked sister shot back “Ssshhh! Mom, quiet down. She’s sitting right behind you.”
“I don’t give a damn. I’m sick of her crap! I’d like to kick her right in the BALLS!” mom cried.
40 years of never saying anything about her rude behavior came to a screeching halt and it was done as only mom could do it.
It was around the same time that several of us were taking mom and dad out to eat one night. As we drove around the conversation drifted from what we were hungry for, to what all of the grandkids were doing. Pretty typical family talk. As usual mom was very chatty that night but after a while there came a lull in the conversation. Mom looked like she was deep in thought.
Finally she said, “You know, a man’s penis is a pretty ugly thing. You can dress it up and put a hat on it and it’s still ugly!”
Kind of hard to argue with that.
These may seem like odd things to remember on mother’s day weekend but Alzheimer’s or old age, mom’s moments always taught me something. Lighten up. Don’t be so serious. Don’t wait until you’re old to let people know how you feel - whether it’s good, bad or indifferent. Sometimes it just needs to be said. I know it’s easier said than done especially with a black dog but that’s when you need to be more expressive. Get it out.
‘They’ say that depression is anger turned inwards. I don’t know if that’s true but I know it’s better to let your feelings out and not hold them in. God knows when you’re depressed you are often afraid to feel, let alone voice those feelings.
You don’t have to “kick her in the BALLS!” but don’t let that black dog muzzle your voice, your emotions. Let ‘em out and let them out with humor. Put a hat on it.
On behalf of mothers everywhere - Happy Mother’s Day.
Here’s a few links to interesting stories.
Men and their mothers. What’s it all about?
Well like a lot of people I’ve certainly blazed more than one up when I was a teen and now it appears a little weed can act as a milk bone to the black dog of depression -
Teen ‘Self Medication’ For Depression Leads To More Serious Mental Illness, New Report Reveals
Pentagon Plans National Mental Health Campaign
