Saturday I picked dad up and took him out for our now 2nd annual trip to the sunflower patch that’s just north of town a few miles.

I’ve found that going on small outings with dad is a good way to visit him. When you’re driving around town there’s always something new to talk about. Sitting in his room at the home . . . well, there’s not a whole lot of stimulation. The awkwardness and stress of visiting a parent with Alzheimer’s is eased when there’s outside distractions to talk about.

We stopped for a soda & milkshake and made the 15 minute drive to the sunflowers. It was hot so we only stayed long enough to snap some photos. It always astounds me when dad gets hot as every time I visit, he has a long sleeved sweater on and his room is 85 degrees.

Being out in the country reminded dad of his childhood in Abilene Kansas. One summer in particular stuck out in his mind. He was in Junior High and spent the summer on a relative’s farm where he apparently had a very good time. Riding horses, shooting his .22 rifle, exploring the countryside, etc. You throw in a girl and you have a winning combination for a young man. The ‘girl’ is what stood out above all other farm activities to dad. All I could say in response to his ribald obsessing over her was, “That worked out well for you that summer didn’t it?!”

“Oh my, it sure did!” he smiled. “She was something.”

I have no idea if it really happened or not, but it sure had a ring of truth about it and I think distant memories stay with a person longer.  It’s the type of revelation that can easily make you feel uncomfortable. Growing up my parents were a little like the wizard in the Wizard of Oz - all powerful and all knowing. This kind of youthful memory dad revealed is a lot like pulling the curtain back. The illusion that your parents were somehow ‘other than’ a normal human being with all of their own very human experiences kind of takes the mystery away.

So too is our depression. It’s a very human experience and a very appropriate response to sad & tragic events. It only becomes a problem when it hangs on too long and starts interfering with life. Life goes on and it’s up to us to make the best of it, to enjoy it.

The other day I heard the comedian Dennis Miller talking about his friend & fellow comedian Martin Short and how he’s always in a good mood, always up. Dennis asked him one time why he was so happy and his response was, “Dennis everyone can do the math. We all know eventually it doesn’t end well but I see no reason to give it a moments thought until I absolutely have to.” Sage advice if ever there was.

My dad has accepted his disease, that he’s old and his wife of 64 years has died, but that hasn’t stopped him from enjoying what he has left. A little trip to get a milkshake and a ride in the country made his day and mine too. I have a lot to learn from him and a lot to teach my black dog.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 1st, 2008 at 4:48 pm and is filed under Alzheimer's, family.