Just as I was starting to mow the lawn on Saturday my sister called. The nursing home had just called her saying dad was very confused and it “might help if someone would visit him”. No guilt with that last line. She was concerned about him but also felt bad for not going to see him that day. Since they were in the middle of a lake out of town, she asked if I would go?
Didn’t sleep that well last night as I was jarred from a very deep sleep by the airhorn of a weather alarm radio telling me there was a severe thunderstorm watch. A watch, not a warning. There’s no way I can see to turn off the ‘watch’ alert and only have it go off for the more serious ‘warning’. Because of my interrupted sleep I had to force myself to run when all I really wanted to do was crash on the couch. Running, sometimes it’s magic, sometimes it’s just work and sweat. Still there’s always a sense of accomplishment when I’m done and that’s worth something.
Last night I picked up my dad and brought him home for dinner. I used to cringe every time I’d walk dad through my garage and into my house as the garage has many of the tools that used to be his. It’s pretty common for children to have enormous guilt over placing their parents in a nursing home especially when they’re still cognizant enough to know they’re loosing so much and can’t do anything to stop it. It doesn’t matter that it’s the right thing to do. It just hurts and you have to keep repeating the mantra “I love them and it’s for their own good.”
One of the things about growing older is you start to lose that filter between your brain and your mouth. You no longer put the brakes on your true feelings. When you’re mad everyone is going to hear it. If something off color comes to mind, you’ll hear that too. The last few years of mom’s life were full of conversations that could make you cringe or laugh and sometimes both.
Today’s post is a little long winded. My apologies - I just don’t know how to shorten my story today. I hope your patience will be rewarded.
This is my 85 year old dad. By the age of 40 in his career as an Army officer he’d been in battle in 3 wars; World War II, Korea and Viet Nam. He was never physically wounded but he saw a lot of his friends die. He’s seen the best and worst of humanity and always managed to keep things in perspective and love & take care of his family.
