About 4 years ago, around the time I found out my best friend was dying of cancer, I started to withdraw from a low-dose tranquilizer that I’d been on for many years. The doctor prescribed it at the time when my daughter first started to withdraw from me and the family so that I could get some sleep. He had assured me that it was safe and the possibilities for addiction were pretty much nil.
For my own version of TLC, I need to have some kind of regular anti-anxiety practice. In thinking about how that fits with the whole TLC program, in emulating more primitive people, it seems that their slower pace in life was itself a kind of anti-anxiety practice.
They would get up & go to sleep with the sun, eat healthier, exercise more, have regular sunlight exposure, etc. they were living a simpler lifestyle that was more connected to the natural rhythms of life than our lives are today. Their work was more focused on one thing like growing crops, hunting, fishing, etc. There was no ‘multi-tasking’ to distract them and raise their anxiety level with the increased demand on time, abilities, responsibilities, etc.
August in Kansas is usually very hot, like in the mid to upper 90s with an equal amount of humidity, but so far it’s been pretty mild. I’m hoping it’s a harbinger of an early and very long Fall. Late Summer through Fall is my favorite time of year. I’ve always loved the change from the oppressive heat of Summer into the cooler nights and milder days.
The Kansas sky in the Summer is very washed out, in the Fall it’s a brilliant blue. The plants seed and start to dry out changing their look and smell. Going for a walk this time of year is much more of a sensory experience for me.
Yesterday after work, I made a detour to the downtown barber shop where my son Ben works. It’s a great old school barber shop whose walls and ceilings are covered with all manner of sports memorabilia. From newspaper clippings and photos celebrating the local high schools, to college teams and the pros.
Barbershops are a particular right of passage for boys. Aside from the occasional mom with her toddler, it’s a peculiarly male environment and one of the first places where we are exposed to men talking about men stuff - jokes, sports, politics, women and sex. There’s an endless supply of distractions for any young man; gumball machines, pop, t.v., videogames, magazines, comic books, newspapers and sports stuff.
Just as I was starting to mow the lawn on Saturday my sister called. The nursing home had just called her saying dad was very confused and it “might help if someone would visit him”. No guilt with that last line. She was concerned about him but also felt bad for not going to see him that day. Since they were in the middle of a lake out of town, she asked if I would go?
Running tonight after work I was surprised at how strong the inertia was. For the first several blocks I just wanted to stop but a few minutes later it was as though a switch had been flipped and I felt much better. It turned out to be one of the better runs I’ve had since the weather warmed up. Despite my wandering mind I found some amount of ‘flow’. The air was cooler, there was less humidity and my mind and body relaxed into the pace of my feet falling, my arms swinging and my breathing.
I have been running pretty consistently lately and also doing 40 to 60 minutes of Tai Chi and Chi Gong. Both of which feel really good to do. As a bonus there’s a good feeling that comes from a sense of accomplishment. When you’re feeling down and don’t want to do anything - above all Don’t Give In to that feeling. Go out and do something.
Although no one thinks they have any, everyone has the same amount of time in the day. Quit making excuses and just do it. No matter how much you don’t want to - do it.
