We had our 18 year old dog Marley put to sleep today. We’d originally planned on doing it last week but put it off because he had a youthful moment where he ate like he did when he was 3 and he seemed to walk with a little more energy. After a few days he was worse, crying and whining in the early morning hours, unable to find a comfortable position. I imagine that he was wincing at arthritis as he pawed at his blanket. Then he started to loose control of his bladder and bowels and finally he stopped eating even his favorite can of lamb and rice. It was his way of telling us it’s time.

Dad’s depression could be linked to baby’s colic

Depression, anxiety bad for the heart

Prevent depression in teens with cognitive behavioral therapy

Deep Brain Stimulation To Treat Psychiatric Diseases Reviewed

At the end of my first counseling session with a new counselor, he told me that we wouldn’t have enough time to finish the intake interview because of the extensive nature of everything that’s happened in my life over the years. He said, “It’s no wonder you have trouble with depression.”

In a strange way it gave some validity to me, that I wasn’t somehow less of a person for experiencing the black dog but that it was an understandable reaction to a lot of loss and stress. On the other hand I’m more than ready to move on - to put my baggage down.

We had my father over for dinner last night. He’s 88 and I don’t know how many more Father’s days he’ll see.

The nature of Alzheimers is that it takes the mind in bits & pieces and re-wires it or the wiring just shorts out. One day dad may be focused on mom and wonder where she is (shopping?) & why she didn’t say goodbye (she’s been dead 2 years now but he still sees her & has conversations with her). Another day he was determined to get a car so he could go back to work at the gypsum mine he worked at right after WWII. No amount of redirection seems to work to get dad off of his particular topic of the moment.

A bitter-sweet weekend for me. My family celebrates several birthdays in June, two brothers, a brother & sister in-law, and my mom. Last Saturday we added an early father’s day to the list. While it was good to see everyone it was also a bit sad as mom’s absence was felt by all.

My brother came up from St. Louis with his wife and daughter. While they were here he went to visit dad at the nursing home. In the course of the conversation dad asked him, “Where are you from?” When Steve told him, “St. Louis.” dad responded, “I have a son that lives there.” Steve smiled and said, “Yeah, that’s me dad.”

My son has moved in temporarily while he works on paying off some bills and saves for a down payment on a new apartment. Sleeping on the couch in the half of the basement that’s been finished off and  is used for entertaining, he only has his clothes and a small cardboard box with a few items in it. The rest of his stuff is in a storage locker.

The Depression Cure: The 6-Step Program to Beat Depression without Drugs
by Stephan Ilardi has now been published. What better way to start and maintain the TLC program than with the book by the director of the Therapeutic Lifestyle Changes program at the University of Kansas?

The Lawrence Journal-World has an article on Dr. Ilardi and his book -
KU professor’s book presents six-step guide to battling depression

My latest project is a small silver cup that was given to me when I was born. It’s inscribed ‘from the OFFICERS and LADIES of G-2 USAREUR’. That was the Army Intelligence unit my dad was assigned to.  I think it was a more common baby gift back in the 50s than it is today. It had sat in a cabinet for years where it slowly tarnished.

This last week I was on vacation where I stayed home and worked like a fiend in my yard re-doing the flower beds and laying some sod. It did my black dog a world of good to be so busy doing what I love to do without the sword of Damocles hanging over me at work. It was also relatively cheap as I bought plants that were on sale and my labor was free.

Last Monday I picked up my dad from the nursing home where he lives to treat him to a cookout for Memorial Day. I am always surprised at how emotionally trying it is to visit my dad. He’s a sweet old man now but the Alzheimer’s makes it an ordeal.

In the two years my dad has been in this home several other residents have passed on. It’s like it’s a waiting room for heaven. A place for old men & women with dementia to wait for the end.